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From hiding oneself and creating a sense of apprehension in the other, to exercising a cold, penetrating intellect without seeming to understand how this may make others feel, to wielding status and power as a matter of habit, to avoiding competition and leading others to feel valueless, to being unaware of the impact of great beauty or charisma, to being vague and mystifying and creating confusion — and perhaps other ways I haven’t considered — we can seriously alienate others by intimidating them without even realizing it is happening, blindsided by the unintended consequences of our own actions. We hide important parts of who we are from ourselves, but reveal them to others in our behavior without knowing it.

When we hide who we really are, this can create the impression in others that we are invulnerable.

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They may really want to be intimidating, a different beast entirely from those who are intimidating without meaning to or realizing it.

When people are inadvertently intimidating and have ambivalent feelings about the feedback they get, it is a more interesting situation to think about than when people are singularly being bullies, because inadvertent intimidation, the subject of the rest of this piece, suggests an unrecognized division within oneself, a Dr.

It's not unusual for this kind of disconnect to happen, and inadvertent intimidation comes up in several different ways, which are informative to spell out.

If anyone has been in effective therapy for long enough or has the good fortune of being able to be self-reflective in constructive ways without therapy, we have a pretty good idea of the discrepancy between different versions of ourselves in the eyes of others and those versions of ourselves we can grasp internally.

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